Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.  - Martin Luther King Jr.

Facing homelessness, loss of job, sleepless nights, crying, isolation and inability to concentrate. Sounds like the symptoms of a combat soldier. These are my symptoms as the Mother of an Iraq combat vet, a peace activist.

I was fired today from my job. I have never been fired. They say I have been distracted from my job. I even wonder if I care. Our children are dying. The y are coming home maimed and injured. Or as in my son’s case severe PTSD. He can not live with what he did in Iraq . His suicide attempt, his feeling that life isn’t worth living. We as a family are suffering. Myself as an individual am suffering.

Two trips to Washington this year. Speaking with various Senators and even the speaker of the house Dennis Hastert. I have been traveling speaking to anyone who will listen. Not caring of my own personal life. I am filled with great sadness today, everyday since this war started.

A few days ago I was in South Dakota speaking with a Vietnam vet. We sat in a 24 hour McDonalds till the wee hours of the morning. Tears in both our eyes. He is still affected by the war. He talked of the toll he took on his Mother and I wept. He apologizes for how he treated all that cared for him. All I could do was hug him and tell him it’s not his fault. That I loved him. This complete stranger. He could not give me comfort for what lies ahead for my son.

Last week I welcomed a soldier home. He didn’t know me , I didn’t know him. But when I hugged him and reached in my pocket and gave him some of what little money I had, I said “My son served in Iraq .” And our eyes met. That same look of sadness was there that I have seen all over the country. That I have seen in my own son’s eyes.

I spoke with a Gold Star mother last night. Her marriage of 20 years disintegrated. She now lives alone. She stated to me what do you think I can live with, the loss of my son or the loss of my marriage?

I talk with other Mothers. One her son currently hospitalized for a suicide attempt. She cries. I can not hug her through the phone.

The war is taking a toll. It is claiming victims that have never even been in combat.

Some say to me just take a break, get your life back on track. I reply I can’t. Another Mother is getting that dreaded knock on the door.

I have to stay in the frontlines. I have to continue to speak out. I guess I feel a sense of freedom now. No job to tie me down. I will lose the roof over my head. Maybe I will go live outside the white house and I will pray.

The war was not my distraction, my job was. The end of this war is my mission. I have gone past the state of anger. I am motivated by pure love. Love of my fellow man and woman. I want the pain to cease. I want the sadness to end. I want the killing to end. My son will never be the same. I will never be the same. I beg of you my good people…do what you can and then do even more. We are paying a high cost. Just ask Cindy or Summer or Beth or Stacey or Celeste, etc. the list goes on and on. And another Mother cries out somewhere in the darkness for her child that is never coming home.

When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. -Martin Luther King Jr.

Until the War ends I will be out here in the frontlines of peace……

Georgia Stillwell
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Mother of Specialist Robert A. Stillwel l

"Love is something that you can leave behind you when you die. It's that powerful." --John (Fire) Lame Deer, ROSEBUD LAKOTA